April 16, 2012
Going by the Delhi Police's attitude, consuming alcohol is a direct cause of getting raped for women in India. Women might as well order a molestation or heavy duty gangrape at the bar. Those who are not into binge drinking can order a socially acceptable unasked for fondling. Bars and hotels should display a menu for assorted assaults possible.
Delving deeper into Delhi police first information reports, matters become a tad more complex. Attire combination with alcohol influences the nature of the crime. Accordingly, women have the power, at least in the National Capital Region, to determine how exactly they want to get violated. Men are powerless. They are natural born rapists who can't help it as soon as a woman shows some skin or is seen drinking.
It is very unfortunate that the product of such grand distillation, of both thought and grains and fruits, of the human civilization has had such a fall from grace. India was once the land of Soma, the intoxicant of the gods. Today it is the land of alcohol-justified rape.
Rape aside, one would think, alochol has a relationship with sex as old as culture itself. I remember something about "alcohol-fuelled marathon sex sessions" of William and Kate referred to in Sarah Lyall's 'The Anglo Files'. Apparently in Britain, alcohol is the equivalent of the Indian astrologer. It determines the perfection of the match after completely removing any thought or logic from the equation.
In Tom Standages outstanding 'The history of the world in 6 glasses', it is not surprising that the first three fluids that course through the course of history happen to be the Egyptian and Mesopotamian beer, the Greco-Roman wine and the exploring European rum and brandy. It is only after Renaissance that we settled for coffee, tea and coke.
Two advertisements that I saw yesterday between the hugely entertaining IPL match tell me that no matter what the Delhi Police may think, non-alocholic drinks are also "mind-blastingly" sexy. Alcohol advertisement is still hush-hush in India. And it is usually macho men who advertise it as club soda. Accordingly, it is adventure and out of the box thinking that is fuelled in India by alcohol. Sex is, on the other hand (ahem!), lubricated by mango juice and cold coffee.
Katrina Kaif, draped rather carelessly in a red flowing cloth and a cut piece from it banding over her breasts, dreams sitting on the window of what looks like a Rajput Palace. In the dream, extreme close up of her biting into juicy mangoes. We are given quick generous shots of her beauty. Suddenly she bolts out of the room, across the portico and out into the open yards. There we see the object of her quest. A mango tree that miraculously manages not to hold on to fully ripe golden mangoes on almost all its branches.
Ms. Kaif throws her flowing pallu to catch the mangoes. They conviently fall into the water tank splashing slow-motion water (which is the second most popular type of water in Bollywood after mineral water) on her pallu-less grace. The mangoes in the tank transmogrify into a glass bottle of Slice mango juice which Ms. Kaif sucks on and we are done. "Buttery nipple", "sex on the beach" and other evocative cocktails can't hold a candle to Katrina's slice!
Purab Kohli comes to presumably Deepika Padukone's apartment while Karan Johar is hanging out there. Or may be Karan and Deepika live together. I have no clue who Purab Kohli is. When I saw the ad I thought it was Farhan Akhtar. That is pretty much the level of my Bollywood awareness. Google told me about Purab. Anyways, Purab needs coffee shaken by Deepika. As she goes to the kitchen, he dreams about her doing the shake Shakira-style.
This is Nescafe's cold coffee ad which is a long way away from the old coffee ads that involved the arranged marriage theme. Bru instant coffee used to be marketed as the coffee that could impress any prospective, anal retentive, south Indian mother-in-law. Now, the ad subscribes straight to Eddie Izzard's "coffee means sex" stand up routine.
If this is how mango juice and cold coffee is getting marketed, I wonder what to expect once alcohol advertising becomes legal in India. May be porn legalization should precede.
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